entries

lost

Feeling so lost today.
So many things happened and make me feel so messed up.
What is life.

Breathless

Do you know how sad it is, when your bestfriend just leaves you like that?
Its like she faded away, disappeared. And everyone else was a priority and her love,
except her old friend.
So how long can I endure staying by her side knowing she's never gonna treat me like her own bestfriend.
Its just a label, she did nothing to feel like my bestfriend.

I don't know how to put it : but she never cares about me, guys are always first and I just don't know how come her guy can stand her. and she never changes. fuck it, i have feelings !

I was never the one

Title says it all, huh?
Finally after 13hours of the break up, Im crying..
And I cant sleep. I don't know what he's doing. But I know he's alright with his brothers to take care of him.

I was never the one for him, I had so many flaws. And there's just so much he can take.
He can't accept everything, and in the first place, I'm not his dream girl.

So how did we end up here?

His happiness does not lies with me. I'm sure of that..
Believe me, I tried my best to make being with me easier for him..
But it was already hard from the very beginning..
Maybe we should take a break. or we should just time out..

He's good to me, so good.. so he deserves the best.
And well..... the best is just not me.

And I realise that maybe, I don't know him at all.. that I don't understand him..
As I type, these tears are falling... Its nothing new, but I hope he could wipe it away..

Its been so long.. so long since i cried in his arms..
since he told me that everything will be okay.. and i just miss all that..
when he would hold me tight, look me in his eyes, and wipe those tears away..
Its been ages since that happened..
since i felt secure..

Now all I feel is that ive been doing wrong, and I cant change..
im just worthless..

Left

I was left by him yesterday.
We didn't fight. and that was the problem.
Not only that but Im not the one for him, I know that.

I want him to see me happy, so maybe he can find someone else and just go
I dont want to hurt him anyway..
Ive done enough..

I just wish him all the best..

Epic

Today I did full shift, it was okay.
But at the end of the day, first time I had to go briefing because we ended early..
When briefing, Angie's tummy keep grumbling and it was sooooo funny.

Before that, Angie told me she changed her name to Gwen already,
and I'm suppose to call her that. And everytime I did she would laugh (me too) and end up not
responding. hahahahaha.

So I went off halfway through the briefing...... to find out my boyfriend was waiting for me!!
From 10pm to 1030pm. I felt so touchedd and happy!!
But he was angry cause I didnt inform him what time I end (which he should have remembered)
Anyways, things went well ......... until.......
he sent me to the bus stop at serangoon....
and then he didnt have mrt home!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I felt so :( for him..

He didnt even think... like to take circle line or if there's any other buses.
All in his mind was he missed the last mrt and last bus-.-
which i doubt is true . hmmphhhh.

ok im done. early shift tomorrow.

Love my boyfriend.

Incredibly Sleepy

Yes, based on my title I should be sleeping right now instead of blogging and doing unimportant things.
hehehe. But I can't help it cause there's so many things on my mind.

For instance, I'm so sad and hurt i want to cry right now.


And I'm also addicted to sudoku that numbers are in my mind every single minute.
Love doing it so much!

Other than that, I'm just sleepy. In actual, I can just sleep right now. But then again, when do I haave the opportunity to blog again? Its so rare since I'm working.

Hmm, speaking about work.. today was well, another dull day. Yet a very funny day.
The most hilarious day of all during work . Even almost cried tears of joy.
Sucks though that my battery died a few hours after I start work.

Today, my plan for tomorrow is ruined. Which sucks. Bloody sucks.
And why is it ruin? because someone's brother had to change plans.
huhhhh.

So anyone wants to go shopping with me?  hehehehehehe.
Shall head to bed now, Goodnight.
Actually I'm already on my bed. hehe.

Hey love

Its been a long time since I had the time to reflect about my whole life, my family, my relationship, myself. I don't know what's taken me this long to just think about all this. Perhaps work? But I shouldnt blame it on work, cause if I really did care about all this, I will put everything aside and just think about the people I love , including myself.


However, honestly, I don't know where to begin with.

I guess watching "Dear John" at this point of time got me reflecting about all these.
I'm not perfect. I've made so many mistakes. Let down so many people. And I really don't know how to clear all my mistakes.


I'm not a good girlfriend, I can honestly tell you in your face Im not. I don't deserve anyone. Not anyone that's good of course. Its true then I guess, that actually, the things he does for me can't be compared to the things I do for him.
I wish I'm perfect enough for him, didn't do any wrong moves, can easily coax him and maybe more caring. But what can I say, its done.


I'm tired.

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